I'm still here, still trying. Sometimes it feels like all I do is try, but that's not quite true. It feels like I've been on a non-stop binge. My tummy hurts all the time, I often miss dinner due to being to full. I haven't been to the gym in weeks even though I really want to. I just haven't been ablle to push my head into the right space for it. I want to set up some more PT sessions to learn how to use some new equiptment, get back to using my left arm. It's lost some movement after I broke it but the strength is still there.
Despite all of that, I haven't really gained weight. I'm still sitting around the 155kg mark. Sadly I'm only 4kg off being my heaviest again.
I've been on medication for the last 12 months, fluoexitine. Together with the doctor it's been decided to try a different drug. The catch is, I have to wean off the fluoexitine first. As my dose became higher and higher I became increasingly depressed and it wasn't having a big enough effect on the OCD to make it worth continuing. I have one more week to go and then a week with nothing before starting the new medication. I don't know if I'm relying on the idea to much, but I really hope that it helps.
What else have I been doing? In amongst it all of been organizing my November wedding, working two jobs and studying for my library diploma. Online study is definitely a lot harder then I thought. I just have to keep going.
