Saturday, February 12, 2011

My Non-Scale-Victory's

Through listening to Shauna and Carla’s highly enjoyable podcast ‘Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone’ I have come across the term ‘non-scale-victory’. Of late I have been having lots of victory in regards to the scales, but I have also been noticing more and more non-scale-victory’s. As much as I really enjoy the fact that the numbers on the scales are decreasing, it’s the non-scale-victory’s that are making me feel really good. I thought I’d list the top 15 here.

  1. My rings slip off of my fingers.
  2. I can sometimes buy non-plus-size clothes.
  3. I can go into the ‘skinny’ shops and not feel as if the sales assistant is giving me the evil eye.
  4. Since I’ve started losing weight I’ve had to add 7 holes (23cm) to my belt.
  5. I am no longer wider than my washing machine.
  6. I’m having to buy lots of nice new clothes.
  7. I can sit in plastic chairs without fearing that they’re going to break.
  8. I’m buying clothes that are too small, knowing that in a couple of weeks they'll fit just right.
  9. I’m feeling less like ‘the fat chick’ when I’m at the gym.
  10. I like what I see when I look in the mirror.
  11. I can no longer eat a whole pizza without feeling ill.
  12. I am able to spend increasingly longer amounts of time at the gym.
  13. Friends and family are noticing my weight loss.
  14. When I’m out in public I feel that less and less are people staring at me and thinking ‘Wow, she’s big’.
  15. I am happier overall.
Well there’s my top 15. There are a myriad of other small victory’s, but these are the ones I am most proud off. Hopefully, in the coming months, there will be many more that I can add to this list.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Wow! Now how did that happen?

Stats 
Starting weight:159.2kg
Current Weight:122.9kg 
A loss of: - 6kg

A total loss of: -36.3kg
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I managed to surprise myself. Again that is. I had expected that during my recent holidays I would have had a small gain. Nothing drastic, just the usual effect when you take a week off from diet and exercise. Instead, when I stepped onto the scales at the Doctors this morning, they showed that I have managed to lose 6kgs. 6kgs! I was amazed when I lost 4.9kgs in a two week period. Now I find out I've lost 6kgs in a 3 week period! Is that even healthy?


These two massive weight drops bring my weightloss total for the last 5 weeks to 11kgs. At the beginning I seem to recall it taking several months to lose those first 10kgs. I had always expected that my weightloss would slow down the less I weighed and it seems to be doing the opposite.


A month ago I increased my gym time to 90 minutes, despite this I'm accounting the large amounts of weight I'm losing to my diet. That's not to say it's a good diet though. Of late I'm really not eating much at all. Despite being hungry at times I just cant be bothered, so I eat a small amount of bad food. Or, I find that I cannot tell the whether I'm feeling hungry or if I'm feeling ill, neither of which is a pleasant sensation.


Despite the fact that I love that the weight is coming off, I fear it may make it easier to gain back. So far I've been going with the theory of 'slow and steady wins the race' but all of a sudden the hare is no longer sleeping and the tortise has been left in the dust. Hopefully I will figure out what is going on soon enough, in the meantime, I'm just going to smile and enjoy the ride.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

'Then' and 'Now'

Way back before Christmas I mentioned that I was trying to get my hands on a photo of me at my starting weight. Nearly 2 months later I have found one. I was absolutely amazed when I saw it. As mentioned in a previous post, I am only just starting to see the changes in my body shape. Well, I can defiantly see those changes now. 


I've lately started showing my blog to several people people who actually know me. I'm finding that it's becoming easier to talk about about my weight loss and less of something that I have to be ashamed of needing to do. I even feel happy enough with things to leave the blurry bit of my face.


Here we go then. 'Before and 'Now'. I have to say, I'm feeling quite pleased with myself at the moment.



Friday, February 4, 2011

My Not-So-Happy List

I've been in a bit of a writing mood lately, hence this inundation of blog posts. Yet despite yesterdays positive sign off I have managed to work myself into quite the funk (bad mood) in the last 24 hours. I’m not sure if it’s just one of ‘those things’, the fact that I’m stressing over a few things or what really, but it is making me feel physically ill.

Due to the fact that I am currently away from my usual place of residence I am unable to do the activities I usually partake in to work myself out of a bad mood. So, as a possible alternative, I am going to write a list of all the things that make me happy. Hopefully thinking about the things I would usually do will help me out of my bad mood.

  • The Beach- I love going for walks along the beach of an evening, especially when there is no-one else around. The air smells so good, the waves sound so powerful and I just can’t keep the smile off my face.
  • Drawing- Drawing can be a bit hit and miss for me, sometimes it’s like having a massive case of writers block and nothing my pen draws is how it’s supposed to be. When I’m in a bad mood I usually draw what is supposed to be me, but these drawings hardly ever look exactly like me. They usually look incredibly sad. As odd as it sounds, they do somehow feel like me.
  • Listening to music- A fantastic way to escape the crazy of your own head.
  • Friends- A nice long chat with a good friend is a great way to face reality. They know you nearly as well as you do yourself, they're not afraid (hopefully) to tell you to pull yourself together, they can offer sympathy and then move onto gossip as a fun distraction. You just have to hope your phone bill isn’t too expensive or that you don’t run out of credit like I did last night!
  • Pets- My cat isn’t the most sympathetic of creatures, but if I surprise her when she’s asleep I can get a pretty decent hug from her.
  • A  Hot shower- I turn the cold water so that’s it’s nearly completely off and just stand under the water until I run out of hot. It just makes me feel as if all of the bad is being washed away, leaving me clean and ready to start over. This used to be when I’d have a good cry, read on for more info.
  • A Good Cry/Wallowing in my own self-pity- Not a great way to get yourself out of a bad mood but sometimes it just feels good to have a bit of a sook no matter how trivial the problem actually is. Unfortunately for me, crying helps me more than wallowing, but I seem to have lost the ability to do so except for when I'm extremely angry. I haven’t had a decent cry for over 12 months.

I’m sure that there are other things I do that make me happy, but these are the ones I turn too as a bad mood remedy. Unfortunately for me, writing about them didn’t help my mood. I will just have to make the best of what is tonight and hope that by tomorrow, I am in a more positive mindset. If not, then I’m just going to head home and use up all of my hot water.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Learning to Love Myself

Has anyone ever noticed how pretty much every single store has their clothing sized differently? It’s something that I’ve never had to pay any attention to as, until recently, I’ve always had to head straight to the largest item in the plus-sized clothing section.

I’ve recently started downsizing as far as clothing sizes are concerned. My weight loss has finally reached the point where every few months I have to update my wardrobe as I do seem to be shrinking in the wash. I am pleased to say that I have moved out of the mens plus-sizes and into the ‘normal’ section (where they have more interesting t-shirts). I am still firmly entrenched in plus-size ladies but I am now no longer the largest size but somewhere in the middle. When I lose two more sizes I will have moved completely out of the plus-size section, and believe me, I am never going to move back in again!

The other thing that I have noticed with my weight loss is how long it’s taking me to see the changes in my body, possibly because I see myself everyday. I have lost 30kgs now and two clothing sizes and I am only just seeing the difference between ‘then’ and ‘now’. I have always been extremely critical of my body and from the beginning of my weight loss I’ve looked for any little change. Despite the fact that the numbers on the scales and the measuring tape kept decreasing, I just couldn’t see any physical changes. Until recently that is.

As per normal I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror before my shower, and all of a sudden I saw the difference! A few days later I went shopping. At this point I was well aware that my size 26 jeans were too big, I’d already had my sewing machine out and taken them in. I was expecting that I would find myself a size 24 and away we go. A size 24 was too large. I was wearing the first pair of size 22 jeans I had worn since I was 14 years old! For someone who has always had an intense dislike of clothes shopping (probably because nothing fitted me) I was over the moon.

Another example of this was when I was out shopping today. I found a nice little (though still plus-size) cardigan in a size small. I thought ‘No way’. And it fitted! I have never worn anything size ‘S’ in my life. I will admit it was the tiniest bit tight but the way my weight loss is progressing I’m in enough of a positive mindset to assume that in several months it’s going to be too large for me anyway!

This sudden change in the way I see myself continues to amaze me. I am still very aware of the fact that I am still quite a large girl, but I’m seeing the silver lining. I can look in the mirror now and pick out features that 8 months ago just wouldn’t have registered, hidden by my weight. I love how my waist looks. I love my neck and collar bones. I love the way my eyes seem so much wider, brighter and happier now. I love how much more smiley I am. I love how strong the muscles in my legs and arms feel when I’m at the gym. I love the fact that my rings fall off my shrinking fingers. I’m even starting to love my massive feet! I never expected to lose weight from my feet but according to my shoes it does seem to be happening.

Let me tell you a bit more about how my life has influenced how I view myself. I had depression all through my teenage years. I was a quiet person who then suffered and still does from social anxiety. Large groups of people make me nervous. Being bullied about my weight from so many different directions did little to help my confidence. I had a small group of friends which due to circumstances of life is now even smaller. I feel now, that I missed out on so many of the standard experiences of being a teenager. I am 21 years old and never had a boyfriend, or had anyone interested in me romantically. I still feel the effect of all that bullying. I find that I keep clear of people who seem like they may yell something horrible at me. My self confidence is still extremely low. I live a fairly reclusive lifestyle, slightly afraid of people yet at the same time incredibly lonely. This makes me feel quite sad sometimes.

That’s why I love being able to see these changes. Seeing all these changes, all at once after what feels like so much hard work with so little reward makes me feel amazing. I used to look in the mirror and feel my heart break inside. I felt as if no-one loved me, least of all myself. I still feel like that occasionally and am extremely self conscious, but looking at myself in the mirror now makes me smile, I am beginning to love myself for who I am and what I look like. I am beginning to see changes on the outside. I am beginning to feel changes on the inside. That makes me happy.