Hit the Ground Running

Stats
Starting weight:159.2kg
Current Weight:137.7kg
A total loss of: -21.5kg
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That there is the aim people, to lose five kilo's in five weeks. That's when I have my next doctors appointment. I'm not going to lie, I'm definitely still in struggle town but I do have some motivation back. I really did lose it there for a while. Two large Big Mac meals and several litres of soft drink a day, certainly not the most motivating of food to be consuming when your overall goal is to lose weight.

The big question though is how am I going to achieve this goal? I'm focusing on three things at the moment:

1. Healthy food
2. Exercise
3. Keeping up my medication

The first two are pretty obvious things, as for the third, I believe that is what helped me find that motivation again. I've made no secret of it here that I take anxiety medication, this has since been added to in the form of anti-depressants. Three weeks ago I found myself sitting in my doctors office, hair greasy and un-brushed, clothes thrown on, wrinkled and with no care of presentation and I started to cry. I've never cried in front of my doctor like I did that day. I could feel in my chest as I dressed, left the house and sat in the waiting room that it was going to happen. As soon as Kate asked me how things were the tears came running.

At the point I felt pure and utter hopelessness. My smile had disappeared, all I wanted to do was crawl under the doona and waste away. I hate that feeling. With a prescription for anti-depressants in my hand I forced a smile as Kate told me they might help me provide me with some motivation. It was either that or give up.

I feel that those little pills did work. I don't know if it's they themselves working or if it's some sort of placebo effect of me believing that they'll work from Kate telling me they will. But I feel better, I'm moving again and that's a very good start.

I've been on those little pills for three weeks now and I'm finally starting to find the swing of things again. MY friend Tiarra nagged me for nearly that entire time and before to go with the gym with her. In the end I finally realised I was just putting it off, afraid of going back after having given up. A couple of days ago I bit that bullet and went to a pilates class with her. It wasn't so bad. The next day I did another brief gym session, the day after that after failing to convince Tiarra to pilates again I just did a simple walk around the block. Today? I did a full hour-plus gym session. It's been nearly two months since I did that and I'm feeling awesome.

So that's my plan. Five kilo's in five weeks. I need to lose more then that in the long run I know, but by breaking it down into smaller segments, losing the weight goal by goal, I feel I will reach my destination all the faster. Wish me luck people, I'm off to a flying start.

Still Struggling

Stats
Starting weight:159.2kg
Current Weight:134.2kg
A total loss of: -25kg

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I'm back (I hope) and still struggling. A lot has happened in the last year, most of it good with little bits of bad thrown in. But somehow, perhaps because of everything going so well, I lost my way. I started eating the wrong foods again. For some reason I wasn't able to recognise that now I was smaller I wasn't able to eat certain foods and not gain anything. So gain I did. But I'm back now and I'm hoping to undo the damage I did in the last 12 months.

I believe that I recognise where my weight problems lie, the direct cause of them and what I need to do to reverse my weight gain. I'm just having trouble doing it. I have to learn self-control again, I have to say 'No' to what are simply food wants. Exercise is all well and good, but for anyone who knows me even they would have to say is food is where my issues arise.

Now to end with a pet hate: The people who constantly say 'Stop making excuses'. They don't understand that the things they label excuses (in my case anyway) are in fact legitimate psychological hurdles. I can't just 'stop making excuses'. These hurdles do need to be overcome I know. But it won't happen in an instant. I need to work at them, build up my resolve. I need to train my mind. With practice I know I can jump those hurdles.