A Resolution to Hit Rewind

Stats
Starting weight: ?
Current Weight:?
A total loss of: ?
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My struggles will never end yet at the same time I will not give up. I think that pretty much sums up the last two years since I've posted. 

Two years is a long time and more then I can describe in one sentence. I am once again quite overweight, yet I've never given up on trying to lose that same weight, I just don't seem to stick very well to anything I've tried. I've also grown up a tad, not completely though. I am right now sitting here with a broken elbow from trying to learn how to roller skate. I've met a boy, moved in with him and am planning a wedding for November 2016. During the last twelve months I also worked three jobs at the one time, two day jobs and a night job as a service station attendant. Unfortunately I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to being surrounded by food. 

I did actually manage to lose 20kgs in 2014, unfortunately I stalled and around the same time developed a skin condition called chronic urticaria, also known as non-stop hives. The only 'cure' for me was unfortunately very high doses of steroids so I stacked that 20kgs back on again pretty quickly and then some. Right now I'm nearly back to my heaviest weight of 159kgs. I really don't want to see that number on the scales again.

It was suggested that kick starting this blog might help me with struggles as I was writing it the first time I managed to lose the weight so I figured it sure won't hurt to give it a try.

For the past two years I have also been attempting Weight Watchers, it was how I lost that 20kgs in 2014. I still have my membership and I would like to keep trying with it, yet at the same time I wonder is it really necessary? The first time I lost the weight I wasn't following any program, just what I knew as common sense, smaller portions and a lot of exercise. Should I go back to that?

I also still have my gym membership. I've been attending personal training sessions lately due to an offer that saw me receive 6 free sessions and was actually surprised to find I really enjoy them. The rollers skating accident has stalled them at the moment but I'm definitely going to continue them as soon as I can. In the meantime I haven't been doing much as at all due to having plantar fasciitis, I'm almost afraid to go on log walks and the broken elbow rules out using the cross trainer or bike.

But I'll keep trying, I always do.

Optimism Forever

If you've been following me here, I've now moved to a new blog. www.optimism-forever.blogspot.com.au.
Hope to see you there.

*I've changed my mind, I plan to keep this blog going. 28/12/15

Duromine Report

I had no luck with the Duromine. I actually suspect the dosage wasn't high enough for me as I didn't even have any side effects. I've been trying to have a catch up with my Doctor since November but the clinic keep rescheduling my appointments. I'm rather annoyed about that.

O very recently signed up to Weight Watchers. I like tracking things so we'll see how it goes. So far I've blown my food allowance both of the days I've been doing it.

I'm also obviously lacking a lot of my earlier writing pizazz, but I'm just lacking any writing motivation at the moment. I'm hoping as I force myself to write my enthusiasm will improve.

Day 3: Duromine and Donuts

StatsStarting weight:155kg
Current Weight:155kg
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I'm starting again. I don't know how long this attempt will last, if it will last. But I'm starting again.

As you can see, I'm nearly back at my heaviest weight. If I continue on as I have been I'll create a whole new high within the month. Don't say 'just do what you did before. 'I've tried what worked last time. I've tried Lite 'n' Easy. I've tried slowly increasing my exercise. Everything falls flat. I just never seemed to have the motivation I had last time. 'Last time' had become this great, mythical thing. It's like a far off fairy tale. I'm trying again, right now at this moment I feel motivated.

My doctor has given me a prescription for Duromine. It's a medication that suppresses appetite. It's a stimulant and comes with some painful side effects, which I am so far yet to experience. It can raise your heart rate by a considerable amount and can cause sleep deprivation. 

On the first day I thought I was experiencing the raised heart rate, but that coincided with drinking to cans of caffeinated soft drink. So I cut back. Other then withdrawal symptoms form the caffeine I've had no side effects whatsoever.

I've been trying to eat healthy, a kick starter is only worth it if you don't abuse it. Yes, I could eat three apples a day and feel fine, but there's is no way I could maintain that when I come of the medication. Now I just need to introduce some exercise.

Hit the Ground Running

Stats
Starting weight:159.2kg
Current Weight:137.7kg
A total loss of: -21.5kg
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That there is the aim people, to lose five kilo's in five weeks. That's when I have my next doctors appointment. I'm not going to lie, I'm definitely still in struggle town but I do have some motivation back. I really did lose it there for a while. Two large Big Mac meals and several litres of soft drink a day, certainly not the most motivating of food to be consuming when your overall goal is to lose weight.

The big question though is how am I going to achieve this goal? I'm focusing on three things at the moment:

1. Healthy food
2. Exercise
3. Keeping up my medication

The first two are pretty obvious things, as for the third, I believe that is what helped me find that motivation again. I've made no secret of it here that I take anxiety medication, this has since been added to in the form of anti-depressants. Three weeks ago I found myself sitting in my doctors office, hair greasy and un-brushed, clothes thrown on, wrinkled and with no care of presentation and I started to cry. I've never cried in front of my doctor like I did that day. I could feel in my chest as I dressed, left the house and sat in the waiting room that it was going to happen. As soon as Kate asked me how things were the tears came running.

At the point I felt pure and utter hopelessness. My smile had disappeared, all I wanted to do was crawl under the doona and waste away. I hate that feeling. With a prescription for anti-depressants in my hand I forced a smile as Kate told me they might help me provide me with some motivation. It was either that or give up.

I feel that those little pills did work. I don't know if it's they themselves working or if it's some sort of placebo effect of me believing that they'll work from Kate telling me they will. But I feel better, I'm moving again and that's a very good start.

I've been on those little pills for three weeks now and I'm finally starting to find the swing of things again. MY friend Tiarra nagged me for nearly that entire time and before to go with the gym with her. In the end I finally realised I was just putting it off, afraid of going back after having given up. A couple of days ago I bit that bullet and went to a pilates class with her. It wasn't so bad. The next day I did another brief gym session, the day after that after failing to convince Tiarra to pilates again I just did a simple walk around the block. Today? I did a full hour-plus gym session. It's been nearly two months since I did that and I'm feeling awesome.

So that's my plan. Five kilo's in five weeks. I need to lose more then that in the long run I know, but by breaking it down into smaller segments, losing the weight goal by goal, I feel I will reach my destination all the faster. Wish me luck people, I'm off to a flying start.

Still Struggling

Stats
Starting weight:159.2kg
Current Weight:134.2kg
A total loss of: -25kg

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I'm back (I hope) and still struggling. A lot has happened in the last year, most of it good with little bits of bad thrown in. But somehow, perhaps because of everything going so well, I lost my way. I started eating the wrong foods again. For some reason I wasn't able to recognise that now I was smaller I wasn't able to eat certain foods and not gain anything. So gain I did. But I'm back now and I'm hoping to undo the damage I did in the last 12 months.

I believe that I recognise where my weight problems lie, the direct cause of them and what I need to do to reverse my weight gain. I'm just having trouble doing it. I have to learn self-control again, I have to say 'No' to what are simply food wants. Exercise is all well and good, but for anyone who knows me even they would have to say is food is where my issues arise.

Now to end with a pet hate: The people who constantly say 'Stop making excuses'. They don't understand that the things they label excuses (in my case anyway) are in fact legitimate psychological hurdles. I can't just 'stop making excuses'. These hurdles do need to be overcome I know. But it won't happen in an instant. I need to work at them, build up my resolve. I need to train my mind. With practice I know I can jump those hurdles.

Ready for Round Two!

Needless to say, it had been quite sometime since my last post, over three months to be exact. At the time I last wrote I'd had a recent gain. Unfortunately that wasn't a one off. I've since been avoiding posting here because I didn't really want to admit that my cruisey weight loss ride had come to an end. But it had.

I've had trouble with snacking, my old foe McDonalds has returned to plague me and I also haven't been going to the gym as much. All of this is having a rather negative effect on my weight. At the this point in time I honestly can't remember the last time I cooked myself dinner or had a decent breakfast. I've been living of frozen meals and Up-n-go.

At todays Doctor's appointment I admitted what was already apparent from my stepping onto the scales. I was stuck. I had been wondering if some sort of dietary supplement (in this case Celebrity Slim) would be of any benefit to me, if was in fact even 'safe' from a doctors viewpoint. Reiterating the fact that it is in no way a long term solution, my doctor agreed that it might be worth having a try of it, even if my only aim is to reduce my constant snacking and develop regular mealtimes.

Having lost weight, I am now able to very quickly notice the effects that my diet of late is having on my body. My skin is becoming troublesome again; leaving me with plenty of breakouts to deal with. My clothes are once again becoming tighter, I find it harder to wake up in the morning; feeling much more sluggish in general and I also feel that my self confidence has taken a bit of a nose-dive.

I will be starting Celebrity Slim this Thursday. It will cost me about fifty dollars a week, yet that is still much less than if I were buying McDonalds every day. Here's hoping that I can come up with results and here's hoping that you hear from me again much sooner next time!

I've Been Hiding Under the Rock of Denial...

Needless to say, it had been quite sometime since my last post, over three months to be exact. At the time I last wrote I'd had a recent gain. Unfortunately that wasn't a one off. I've since been avoiding posting here because I didn't really want to admit that my cruisey weight loss ride had come to an end. But it had.

I've had trouble with snacking, my old foe McDonalds has returned to plague me and I also haven't been going to the gym as much. All of this is having a rather negative effect on my weight. At the this point in time I honestly can't remember the last time I cooked myself dinner or had a decent breakfast. I've been living of frozen meals and Up-n-go.

At todays Doctor's appointment I admitted what was already apparent from my stepping onto the scales. I was stuck. I had been wondering if some sort of dietary supplement (in this case Celebrity Slim) would be of any benefit to me, if was in fact even 'safe' from a doctors viewpoint. Reiterating the fact that it is in no way a long term solution, my doctor agreed that it might be worth having a try of it, even if my only aim is to reduce my constant snacking and develop regular mealtimes.

Having lost weight, I am now able to very quickly notice the effects that my diet of late is having on my body. My skin is becoming troublesome again; leaving me with plenty of breakouts to deal with. My clothes are once again becoming tighter, I find it harder to wake up in the morning; feeling much more sluggish in general and I also feel that my self confidence has taken a bit of a nose-dive.

I will be starting Celebrity Slim this Thursday. It will cost me about fifty dollars a week, yet that is still much less than if I were buying McDonalds every day. Here's hoping that I can come up with results and here's hoping that you hear from me again much sooner next time!

A Whole Twelve Months

Stats 
Starting weight:159.2kg
Current Weight:117.4kg 
A loss of: +1kg
A total loss of: -41.8kg                                   --------------------------------------------------------------------

It was on the 8th of April last year that I 'officially' started trying to lose weight. I went to my Doctor, joined a gym and started keeping a record of every morsel of food I ate and liquid I drank. 

I didn't start some radical, celebrity inspired/endorsed diet. I didn't stop eating chocolate or carbohydrates. In fact, in the beginning the only changes I made to my diet were breaking up with chocolate milk and fruit juice. Just by doing that and with no exercise, I lost 1kg in a two week period. After that, and with the addition of exercise, the weight continued to fall off.

I saw, and continue to see my doctor once a fortnight. She reads through my food journal and suggests changes I can make. Very gradually the entries in my food journal began to change. Instead of eating the entire box of chocolates I was only having 3. Instead of spending the evening with my hand buried deep in a large packet of Dorito's, I was able to feel quite satisfied with only a small packet.

I never cut anything out of my diet completely, allowing myself what I wanted when I wanted it. I just had to be careful not to overindulge. In the beginning I would often find myself standing in the supermarket with a packet of Tim-Tams in my hand, trying to talk myself into putting them back on the shelf. After all, I was obviously surviving without them wasn't I? I always felt and continue to feel so proud of myself when I would leave the store without those biscuits.

It's been over a year now since I set myself the challenge of losing weight. I never thought I'd be able to come as far as I have. I have achieved the two material goals I had at the beginning, of being able to fit a size 16 and of fitting into a David Bowie t-shirt I had bought years earlier with the goal of one day being able to wear. That makes me very happy.

At my most recent Doctors appointment she said that if I wanted I could stop losing weight now if this weight was something I wanted to maintain. But I think I can do even better than what I have so far. I'd like to bring my weight down to 100kgs and then I'll decide from there where I want to go. Will I want to continue with my efforts or will I be happy where I am? In a few months, we'll find out. Wish me luck!

Shrinkage!

Stats 
Starting weight:159.2kg
Current Weight:116.4kg 
A loss of: - 2.6kg
A total loss of: -42.8kg

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Just over two months ago the clothes I am wearing in these pictures were slightly too tight, if you look closely you can now see that they are actually baggy! In these photo's I'm wearing a pair of size 22 jeans. I now fit into an 18. I am no longer plus-size and I am loving it.